Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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