Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
