On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
