There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
