I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
