You smell like stripper and shame
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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