so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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