There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
