Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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