he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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