I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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