there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
