i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
