The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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