new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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