It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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