ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
