After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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