I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
