i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
