He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
