I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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