I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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