You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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