I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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