she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
not ubering you a puppy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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