i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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