is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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