She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
