Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
