absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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