dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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