i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
