I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
