Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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