mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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