It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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