I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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