i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
