Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
