She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
