I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
