I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
