YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
