Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
