I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
