Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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