They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
