Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dicks are not precious.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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