I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
