Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
