Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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