Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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