hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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