she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
