I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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