i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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