Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
