The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
