i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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