I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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