My room smells like vodka and shame
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
