I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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