listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
