you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
