Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well you can't waste a boner
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
