Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
