It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
