I am puke
Where did you get a picture of my penis
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
