why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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