Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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