No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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