This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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