the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
