Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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